Sometimes we get our shit together.

It's not often that we can get our shit together and take a good family photo but our recent fall photo shoot went great! Alyssa Rei Photography out of Farmington, MN knows how to capture true joy in her clients and preserve moments in time.

#breakthesilenceday

**Minneapolis has officially declared August 17th, 2016 as Break the Silence Day. Break your silence using #breakthesilence on social media.**

Eff, you guys... I've been struggling deeply with something.

Three and a half years ago I was just a sexual assault victim. Now... I'm a sexual assault victim | mom. It's a whole new level of struggle. Like seriously, I was effing over it. All of the sudden after becoming a mom... it's hit me like a ton of bricks. It has brought on a whole new wave of emotional trauma. All of the sudden I can't dismiss my story. I have these children to protect and they don't know it yet but they NEED their mom to own her story.

There were many times during in the past several years where I nearly convinced myself it hadn't happened because it was easier that way. It was easier to forget that part of my story. Now? Questions cross my mind almost daily. Questions like: How will I protect Lita from men boys like him? How will I protect Gus? How will I protect them from becoming the abuser? We naively think that neither side of the coin will happen to our kids but that's not fair to them.

I don't know what the answer is. I am in the thick of it all and I can't find the answers to how to protect my kids from this cruel world. It seems hopeless at times. There's no way I can possibly be there for them all the time. & even when they're in places deemed "safe", they are not safe. I can't assume they are safe. I met my abuser in church. He was supposed to be one of the good guys. He wasn't supposed to hurt me. He wasn't supposed to hurt all of the women he hurt. One by one we stepped out. & yet I'm certain there are more that didn't step out than did. 

In these days of technology overload it's pretty easy to know what others are up to. I know that he's still in ministry. Married. Has a baby girl. I wonder if he ever questions like I do? How do I protect her from people like me? 

It all feels like a lot to wrestle with right now. I hope it gets easier or that I get stronger in dealing with the emotional waves. My kids depend on it. 

Wrapping up another year.

I can't believe another year has nearly passed. It really is true that time flies much faster when you have kids. Each of their stages and phases, a fleeting moment in time. Here are a few of our highlights from 2015.

Our year started off with a week in Mexico with a great group of friends!

Mom also snuck away to Ft Lauderdale to watch a great friend get married (note to self, find more friends who are planning on destination weddings).

In January we also celebrated Lita's 2nd birthday with a day at MOA. & a very big announcement that Lita would be a big sister!

In April we sold our first little Bloomington home (pictured) and moved just a short mile south to have more space for our growing family. 

Also in April, we found out we would be adding a little boy to the family!

In August we welcomed Gustaf 'Gus' Hart to the world! 

While Cor and I stayed home with Gus at just a week old, Lita headed to Disney World with Gram Gram and Grandpa to be flower girl in Uncle Andrew and Uncle Nick's wedding!

2015 is definitely one for the memory books that I never take the time to make! 😂 Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy 2016!

Love,

Casey 

 

Gus' Birth Story

Gus is one month and I figured I better get his birth story in writing before it fades from my memory too much. I was six days past due on Wednesday, August 19th. Labor started around 1:30 in the afternoon. Contractions remained calm and consistent throughout the afternoon at about 3-5 minutes apart. I contacted the birth center where we were set to deliver and was told to stay home as long as possible since there were no water birth rooms available. Lita was home with me this day. Her daycare was forced to close due to flooding. The first picture below is me laboring with her climbing all over me. I mean, can you even imagine anywhere else you'd rather be? Haha! I asked Corey to come home from work a couple hours early as I knew he still needed to pack a bag and we might have to fight some traffic depending on what time we headed to the hospital.

 

We ended up heading to the hospital around 7:30pm (by this time one of the labor rooms had opened up). When I was first checked a little after 8pm I was dilated to a 5-6 (woo!). We got settled into our room and I invited my friend/doula Leah to come join the party. Labor continued to intensify but was nothing that required any interventions. The hours continued to go by and I was surprised at how long it was taking. The Midwife finally revealed that Gus was in a posterior position which is likely why I was overdue and why it was taking a little longer for him to come. At one point I became completely exhausted and started to panic a bit (in both births I can remember the time in which I became overly exhausted and began to panic, this is why it is super important to have a supportive birth team that knows your wishes and birth plan). My team was able to calm me down enough to continue breathing through each contraction and trying different positions.

 

My water hadn't broken yet and the Midwife could tell I was anxious to get things moving (times are blurry but this was probably around 10 or 10:30pm). We were nearly heading into August 20th and I wanted to have him on the 19th because Lita's birthday is January 19th. Parent win, only having to remember one number for birthdays- duh! She broke my water and things started to move along quickly and painfully. I began pushing and he got a little stuck. The Midwife instructed me that I would need to push really hard on the next contraction so we could get him out. It's all a blur of course but I pushed with all my might, helped bring him up onto my stomach, and then just seconds later he was whisked away because he needed a little help taking his first breath.

 

Gus was born at 11:51pm on August 19th. He weighed 8lb 6oz. Born in the water just like big sister. He is the perfect final addition to our family of four!

 

xoxo, Casey

You're 2!

Wow! I absolutely cannot believe you are already two! Here are some pictures of you from the past year. What a year it has been! You are growing into such a beautiful and smart girl. Me and your papa are so thankful to get to do life with you!

All my love,

Mama Bear

Let's not forget about the time when you...

Became fasts friends with one of our lawn statues. 

Insisted on bringing chicken Elmo to the neighborhood fire.

Adopted Elf on the Shelf as your baby... In September.

Rocked this skeleton sweatshirt.

Used a TI-83 calculator as a phone.

So many fun moments with you baby girl! 

All my love,

Mama

Sweet Summertime

The summer is absolutely flying by us! We had a great July complete with a trip up to Baudette to see Papa's side of the family. You loved spending time with all of your cousins and aunts and uncles. In August we headed to Eagle River, WI to see Kely, Jesse, and Baby Eli. We also spent a weekend at great Grampa and Grandmas lake home. Here are a couple pictures of our adventures.

Thank you for all the precious memories baby girl,

Mama Bear